It's often been said that the grass is always greener on the other side. Well when it comes to wiping your butt, it turns out the toilet paper is just as brown no matter how exactly you wipe it, sitting or standing.
Oh, sorry. Did we lose you at sitting OR standing? You didn't know there was another option? Consider your mind blown.
Though there is a proper way to keep your butt clean, it generally seems as though even the cleanest wipers of both kinds didn't realize that the other existed until very, very recently. According to a social media poll, most men sit down – and didn't know of any other way until now.
So, which one are you? Here's just how the grass may be greener (or the TP browner) on the other side.
How many people wipe standing up?
Based on polls through both Twitter and Instagram, more men sit than stand. But the number of men who stand isn't anything to scoff at.
Out of 3,005 voters in a 24-hour period, 35 percent said that they wipe standing up. That's over 1,000 men. The other party might be more common but plenty of guys are standing up to wipe post-poop.
The phenomenon is so common that Buzzfeed created two different videos about it. It was a Twitter debate in 2017 and the subject of a Deadspin investigation in 2009. In the aforementioned Deadspin article, it's reported that a College Humor poll of 4,214 participants found that 44 percent stood.
Basically, it's highly possible that the person in the stall next to you is standing up and maneuvering toilet paper between their clenched cheeks. Fun.
Why do some people wipe standing up?
To get to the bottom of it (pun intended), we talked to two different standing wipers, both of whom will remain anonymous.
For the most part, it seems that – just like sitting – it's a matter of both habit and convenience.
"I know of no other way!" one said. "I don't recall being taught this way. In fact, I think my mom was pretty surprised when the conversation came up with my family a few years ago."
"I feel like it's a super subconscious thing that I don't even put much thought into – I've just always done it," the other said, echoing the sentiments of the first. "I think I like the feeling of being done with having to sit on the toilet any longer than I need to."
And how does it work?
"It's not like I don't spread my cheeks — I do," one said. "Sometimes, when I need extra leverage, I'll plant one foot on the toilet seat."
But neither standing wiper reported feeling unclean or dirty, which seemed to be the most common fear of sitting wipers. In fact, they both said the opposite.
"I mean, I get full range of motion, and I can position myself in better ways to create more favorable angles," one said. "Oh, I get clean... Why contend with the toilet seat? It can only get in your way when sitting."
"When I've tried wiping while sitting down, it just puts my body in an awkward position," the other agreed. "I'd rather have the full range of motion that comes with standing up and not have to tilt or fuss around the toilet in any way."
Should you wipe standing up?
In terms of cleanliness, it's a bit of a matter of personal preference. However you feel cleanest is likely ideal, though it's best to be thorough, no matter how exactly you choose to go about it.
As Dr. Joel Krachman, the Chief of Gastroenterology for New Jersey-based AtlantiCare Regional Medical Center, told MensHealth.com in the past, there aren't any major hard and fast rules for wiping, except that you probably shouldn’t do it hard and fast.
"Some people wipe so vigorously that they irritate the anal area," Krachman said.
So, whether sitting or standing, be gentle.
You can also use wipes, sprays, or other helpful liquids to get clean, but again, personal preference.
For now, there doesn't seem to be a solid answer as to who exactly wins the debate of sit vs. stand. Luckily, this is a no judgment zone either way. To quote another age-old saying, don't knock 'till you try it.
