Meet Cronus, the tarantula whipping the Tory party into line

Name: Cronus, or sometimes Kronos.

Age: One year.

Legs: Eight.

Occupation: Henchman.

Eight legs, eh? That’s unusual. Not if you’re a tarantula, which Cronus is. In fact, he’s Britain’s most senior tarantula.

I daresay. And how did he attain this lofty post? He’s the terrifying pet of Gavin Williamson.

And who is Gavin Williamson? He’s the terrifying pet of Theresa May. Or the chief whip, to give him his official title.

Why do they call them whips? It comes from hunting, when hounds who strayed from the pack would be “whipped” back into line. Thus a “whip” became the name for people who cajole MPs to vote the way their party wants.

And now this includes threatening them with tarantulas? Perhaps. Williamson keeps Cronus in a glass tank in his office in the House of Commons. He told the Times: “You have to look at all different ways to persuade people to vote with the government and it’s great to have Cronus as part of the team.”

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Is he a dangerous tarantula? His exact species has not been made public, although true tarantulas are well-nigh harmless to humans. Some can deliver painful bites, but that’s about it.

Where does the name Cronus come from? In Greek mythology, Cronus was leader of the Titans, who were the giant offspring of Uranus.

Excuse me? Uranus, the god of the sky.

Oh, right. Carry on. Anyway, Cronus ruled during the legendary “golden age”, when people always did the right thing without having to be told.

Every chief whip’s dream. I guess. Cronus also led a colourful life, even by the standards of Greek mythology.

Surprise me. He castrated his father and threw his testicles into the sea, where the resulting froth created Aphrodite. Then he married his sister Rhea but, worried that he would later be overthrown by one of them, Cronus ate their children. Tired of having her children eaten, Rhea hid the last one, Zeus, who then did indeed overthrow Cronus, forcing him to vomit back up his brothers and sisters.

The classic political career path. Basically.

Do say: “Yes sir, Mr Williamson, sir.”

Don’t say: “Have you seen my pet tarantula hawk wasp? I call him Zeus.”